For nearly one and half years, I spent 1 - 5 hours most nights studying pick-up material.
I practiced picking-up women - or trying - mainly on weekends resulting in some of the
most hilarious, side-splitting moments you can imagine. I learned the hard way, the very hard way.
I am Brad, nice to meet you!
- August 15th, 2008 |
- 5 Comments
Alcohol vs Game
“But I’m so much more sociable after a few beers!”
This is the response I usually get when I advise students to try and go out into the field without drinking. We have a big drinking culture in the UK, and before I discovered the game I was as guilty as anyone of going out and drinking way too much. I misguidedly thought that alcohol would improve my social skills and give me a better chance of meeting girls. Guess what? I didn’t get laid! Thankfully I now think differently.
Here’s what an average night out involved for me before the game:
Before going out I’d drink heavily with my friends, and we would usually be pretty drunk before even leaving the house. Once out at the bar or club we would all drink even more, and then I would eventually pluck up enough courage to approach a girl. My memory of these interactions is pretty hazy, but unsurprisingly I almost always went home alone. If I did ‘get lucky’, it would usually be with someone very regrettable, and I would feel terrible the next day. And this was my idea of having fun.
In 2005 I read a book called The Game, which I’m sure most of you will have heard of. A few months later I went on a seduction bootcamp, which set me on a path of social improvement which would dramatically alter my way of socialising, and ultimately my life. On the bootcamp they suggested that we went out without drinking.
‘Woah Nelly!’ I thought to myself. ‘Going out to bars and clubs, without drinking heavily? What are these people thinking? Everyone knows that alcohol improves your ability to socialise surely?’
Sceptical as I was I went out without drinking and had one of the best nights out I’ve ever had. I felt a new sense of control and social ability as I buzzed around the room, casually opening sets rather than staggering into them, and having good conversations with people without drunkenly shouting into their face. Most of the things one learns in The Game are learned gradually, and take a while to sink in, but in this instance I learned overnight that I didn’t need alcohol to improve my social skills, and in fact, all those years alcohol had been making my game a whole lot worse.
I didn’t stop drinking altogether but I stopped drinking before I went out, and drank bottles instead of pints of beer. I also tried to delay the time I had my first drink until later in the night, and nowadays I usually have my first drink at about 11pm, rather than 6pm.
Without having my reactions, conversational skills and general abilities of observation severely impaired by alcohol I was free to fully analyse the social interaction that I was trying to improve upon. I was able to observe and analyse how and why people interacted the way they did, critiquing other people’s behaviour as well as my own. I began to actually enjoy, rather than fear, the company of attractive women, and began to hold fun interesting, and at times, intense conversations with them, all whilst being completely sober.
When women found out that I was drinking water, far from ridiculing me as I’d feared they would do, they usually tried to qualify themselves to me, and I even began to use it as part of my game:
“Look around the bar, (kino) most people in here are getting hammered which I used to do, but now I just think it’s a bit cliché and boring. I prefer to go out and actually have interesting conversations with people that I meet.”
Follow this sentence with a deliberate pause, maybe followed with a comment about how unattractive drunk girls are, and then sit back as the girl qualifies herself to you!
Okay, so I still get drunk and make a bit of a tit of myself every now and then. I am still English after all, but those days are few and far between, and I only allow it to happen when I’m at a gathering with close friends rather than when I’m out gaming. Most of my friends still get really drunk when they go out, and most of them swear that it helps their chances with women.
When you’re drunk you have a false impression of how you come across to other people, and you will often think you’re being wittier and funnier than you are. You’re body language is more likely to be overbearing, and your breath will smell of alcohol which won’t exactly be pleasant. A good PUA will be the opposite of all the things a drunk person is and will be: Socially alert, subtle in terms of their approach and body language, their ability to make conversation will be sharp, they’ll be able to hold intense eye contact and most importantly, their standards won’t drop!
If you want to risk waking up next to an absolute hog with a pounding headache then get boozing. If you want to seriously improve your game then drop me a line and I’ll show you the benefits of going out to bars and clubs and not drinking alcohol. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that you’ll save a ton of money too.
Brad
Good article about alcohol and yes it can hurt your game….On another note over and over I hear about eye contact….I think eye contact only helps if you are good looking guy, no on ever mentions that one….I have learned to hold really good eye contact and never had any luck resulting from it…..
Good post. What I found particularly interesting is that women try to qualify you when you’re not drinking. It’s almost as if everyone deep down, subconsciously, knows that people who drink excessively are weak, so when they drink around sober people, they need a justification to drink.
Kurt. Without meeting you. I bet you arent looking at them right. Sounds wierd. But practice “soft” eyes in the mirror at home. (it can help to tilt your head very slightly) You want to avoid staring or any other negative face shapes (which with hindsight I used to do!) Look at them like you look at a friend. Or perhaps like you do when your listening to somebody telling you something that you find interesting.
Hope this helps.
I have a problem where i dont like eye contact, not sure why, even when talkin to people during the day. so i feel at edge wen lookin in a girls eyes as if i shouldnt be doin it, basically i get uncomfortable, how do i get over this?
Kelso,
Firstly you are aware that you have a problem with eye contact, and the fact that you are aware that this needs improving is the first step. You say that you’re not sure why you don’t feel comfortable, and the fact is that a lot of people don’t feel comfortable holding eye contact, as it’s not something that comes naturally to everyone. I used to not be at all comfortable looking people in the eye for more than a few seconds, and I practiced how to do it using a technique I picked up on a PU bootcamp. Sit down with a friend and play the word association game. E.G. I say ‘water’, then you say ’sea’, so then I say ‘boat’, you say ’sail’ etc. The aim is to do this for a few minutes and to never break eye contact, or say ‘err’ or ‘umm’. This is a really simple technique but one that I found really effective.
You say you feel that you shouldn’t be doing it, but you most certainly should! Holding eye contact is a crucial part of seduction, and will put you in a situation of dominance. Breaking eye contact is a sign of nervousness,and will make it difficult to build sexual tension.
I hope this helps, and good luck!
Brad